Gotcha... No this is not a weird skit from SNL but I AM GOOD ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH and GOSH DARN IT PEOPLE LIKE ME.
Today was an ok day. This is where my blog will include medical crap as well as my usual brand of comedy.
I found out 4 days ago I was going to have a full hysterectomy in January, I joined an unnamed well known support group for women with hysterectomies. I guess humor gets removed with your uterus as my posts have been deleted and I have been "warned" if not out right asked to leave the forum. I apparently pissed off a Nun and a lesbian. I am not really sure if they were the same person.
My fear of Nuns started in 7th grade when I started attending St Charles Catholic school in Arlington VA. Sister Benedict (Sister B) was the principal who instilled fear in her students one stiff wigged look at a time. It took me years to understand why she wore a wig and I then thought it was cool. (The whimple she wore for years made her lose hair)
I then went to an all girls Catholic School for 9th grade and was called a little bitch on a regular basis for not wanting to convert to Catholicism (like that was going to make me want to)..... but I digress. Back to the reason for my blog, my angry vagina.
Since getting kicked out of the support group, I have been thinking of starting my own. It will be called the VA.... (haha get it, Im in the military) and yes it will be a 12 step anonymous group called..... wait for it.....
Vaginas Anonymous.
Tomorrow will be my first real step into knowing this is real. I am having an Endometrial (side-note, spell check suggested detrimental- kind of fitting huh) Biopsy. This is where they go in and scrape the inside of my uterus to check for something. I will be under a pain medication I have never taken before so this should be REALLY interesting. Also one of my coworkers will be my escort which should also be interesting. Not only will I be on some new medication, the girl who is my escort is very petite. VERY PETITE. I on the other hand am NOT petite. I am more "robust" as you could say. I am hoping to all that is holy that I do not crush Nicole while under the effects of the medication. I am hoping for the best but new pain killers in the past have been known to make me do crazy things. I do believe I tried to strip at the dentists office while on Halicon and have punched doctors in the past, so if there are any news reports of a naked robust drugged up tattooed woman streaking through Bethesda National Naval Medical Center being chased by a very petite girl who has her jaw wired shut, it is just me. No need to panic. I hopefully will NOT remember this if anything remotely close to this happens.
Closing this post so I can keep one thought per post per say.
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